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rileykonor:

A Discussion on “Mandatory Pronouns” vs. “Preferred Pronouns”

Today, I would like to discuss a trend within some of the transgender and gender non-conforming communities that I have noticed lately - and that is the growing dislike of the phrase “preferred pronouns” and the shaming of folks who say things like, “I prefer x/y/z pronouns.”

To some, this phrase “preferred pronouns” somehow gives the impression that folks can decide what pronouns they want to refer to you with or choose how to gender you at any given time, or not be held accountable when they mess up your pronouns. While I understand that the phrase may give that impression and folks can take advantage of that, the term is quite valuable to some in the gender non-conforming communities - especially those with multiple pronouns and/or identities and gender sensitive situations. To me, it is a valid phrase that should be respected among communities who want to use it to describe their personal pronoun use.

As a non-binary person, I have pronouns that I would prefer to be used for me depending on social situations. I have this preference for my own safety and well-being, and I discuss it at length with folks that I feel comfortable with - like friends, family, and some acquaintances. 

For example, I used to identify with he/him/his AND they/them/their pronouns interchangeably. My friends and family were aware of this. They would refer to me as he/him in situations when we were in good company, but in workplace environments or other public situations where I was not completely out as genderqueer, they would try to use gender neutral pronouns - which is what I preferred to avoid awkward or even harmful social situations.

Sidenote: I now only use they/them/their pronouns for myself, but the sentiment is still there. I know a lot of other folks have had similar experiences with this and would like the same respect.

Some people ONLY use binary pronouns: he/him/his or she/her/hers. Some simply use they/them/their or other gender neutral pronouns like ze/zim/zer. Others use a variety of pronouns depending on their situation, gender identity, and gender expression, and this can vary from day to day for some folks.

Bottom line: Pronouns ARE mandatory, but they are not universally used the same ways in the same situations for all people. Pronouns are valid and should be respected and acknowledged according to each person. Trans and gender non-conforming communities are full of diversity, so why can’t we accept that pronouns are mandatory AND/or may be preferred for some?

Personally, I identify with both phrases collectively. My pronouns are mandatory to me. My pronouns pertain to me and are not to be modified or disregarded by anyone but me. But I do have preferences regarding my pronouns in various situations, as I have said. Quite frankly, there are so many factors that would determine what situation(s) would be appropriate to use what pronouns - and not just for me, but for everyone. This is why it is so important to not only inquire about people’s pronouns and their preferences, but also check-in regarding their pronoun status. Communicate when you can. Do research. Ask questions if need be. But respect people’s pronouns.

This is a really basic attempt at discussing this topic and the issues surrounding it. Basically, I wrote this to raise awareness of this issue and just keep the discussion going.

Please feel free to do so.

(via projectqueer)

Tweet Storm & Letter Writing - Monday, 9PM Eastern.

justice4jane:

en Español abajo

Monday, 9PM Eastern

Join a letter-writing and tweet storm Monday, June 2nd from 9PM-12AM Eastern time (6PM-9PM Pacific) demanding #JusticeForJane! June 2nd marks the 55th day of Jane’s* imprisonment, and 25 days since Governor Malloy said that Jane “must be moved to another…

Medicare Exclusion of Transition-Related Care Overturned.

midwestgenderqueer:

Speaking of signals of change, this is a big deal

(via genderqueerd)

heartintow:

A TRANS COLLEGE STUDENT IN A TOXIC ENVIRONMENT NEEDS YOUR HELP. 

One of my close friends named Brent (pictured above, he’s the one with short black hair and glasses) is in an extremely dangerous situation. 

To give you a little background information, Brent’s a transgender individual living with two extremely conservative parents who show zero respect for Brent’s gender identity, preferred pronouns and name, and little sympathy for his overall well-being. We met this fall at Bowling Green State University, and I became one of his close friends over the year. This year has been huge in terms of him coming out as trans and developing confidence in his gender expression. He’s made so much progress and I’m incredibly proud of him, but he’s had major fallbacks in terms of his relationship with his parents. They stopped paying for his schooling for a period of time (which nearly caused him to leave school), have put him through a disgusting amount of emotional abuse because of a past sexual identity and his current gender expression. They don’t believe in gender expression or identity other than the one assigned at birth, and refuse to acknowledge that it’s something that Brent’s been dealing with throughout his entire life. They thoroughly believe being Trans* is a choice, and this is something he has been persuaded to do.  

They believe that the individuals he has befriended at Bowling Green State University have caused this change, and they don’t understand the support he’s received. They don’t believe someone who identifies as trans* can lead a successful life and that this “behavior” shouldn’t be “encouraged”. Because of this, they’re forcing Brent to transfer to another nearby University (University of Toledo) and commute every day, which would be extremely hazardous to Brent’s mental well-being.    

Brent would be completely cut off from those who support him the most, including myself, his girlfriend, and his sports team, and would be completely and utterly at the whim of his parents. His parents have tried seeking therapists to “fix” this issue, and force Brent to present in a way in which goes against his preferred gender expression. 

Understandably, this takes a huge toll on Brent’s mental health. He has already begun falling into a depression because of his current situation, and is a risk to himself in terms of self harm and suicidal thoughts. 

This is our final hope for keeping Brent at Bowling Green State University where he has an overwhelming support system, and is in a  lgbtq+ positive environment. Brent’s girlfriend and myself have set up a indiegogo fundraiser in which we are attempting to raise enough money to pay for this upcoming school year. 

Our goal is roughly $10,000, and literally any possible donation can help Brent continue his college education at the university he’s currently attending. 

If you can’t donate money, which is completely understandable, PLEASE HELP BY REBLOGGING THIS POST. The more we can spread this post around the better and it’s just as important as any donations made. 

I know this post is extremely long, but one of my best friend’s mental sanity is on the line and it’s so important to me at we at least try to raise a little money to help him. This is our last hope and I know I’ve seen tumblr do so many wonderful things. 

Here’s the link where you can donatehttp://igg.me/at/brent-at-bowling-green/x/7677726

Thank you so so much, and please signal boost. 

(via lady-regal)

TLDEF: The Name Change Project.

genderqueermke:

nikaplaidypus:

Hi all, if you’re looking to change your name, live in the listed areas, and can’t afford it, TLDEF might be able to help! I had emailed them about know your rights cards for Philadelphia and Patricia there asked me to spread the word about the name change project.

Albany, NY - Albany County

Buffalo, NY - Erie County

Chicago, IL - Cook County

Houston, TX - Harris County

Milwaukee, WI - Milwaukee County

New York City - all 5 boroughs/counties

Philadelphia, PA - Philadelphia County

Pittsburgh, PA - Allegheny County

Rochester, NY - Monroe County

646.862.9396

namechange@transgenderlegal.org

Please reblog and share!

There is help for people in Milwaukee county who can’t afford a name change! Spread the news!!

-Podkayne

givemebackmyhomo:

Friendly reminder that using someone’s correct pronouns is not optional. Failing to do so is transphobic as fuck.

(via fungustounge-deactivated2014050)

Legally Recognize Non-Binary Genders.

genderqueermke:

Legal documents in the United States only recognize “male” and “female” as genders, leaving anyone who does not identify as one of these two genders with no option. Australia and New Zealand both allow an X in place of an M or an F on passports for this purpose and the UK recognizes ‘Mx’ (pronounced as Mix or sometimes Mux) as a gender-neutral title.

This petition asks the Obama Administration to legally recognize genders outside of the male-female binary (such as agender, pangender, genderfluid, and others) and provide an option for these genders on all legal documents and records. 

The petition is back! 

-Podkayne

queermisandry:

if you’re cis please be aware that you have nooooooooooo right to decide what is and isn’t transphobic, cissexist, or transmisogynistic. you have no right to judge whether or not a person is “trans enough” for your standards. you have no right to say that gender doesn’t matter, or that it isn’t important. at all.

(Source: , via genderqueerd)

I am non-binary and I would call myself "truscum" if that's the term that the kids are using. I don't think trans people, binary or non-binary, who don't experience dysphoria can claim to be trans people. I believe that's appropriating my experience as a trans person who suffers from excruciating dysphoria. It's the same thing with these stupid pronouns like glitterself and mermaidself.

Asked by Anonymous

genderqueerd:

Well, we would appreciate if you kept your bigoted opinions to yourself from now on, because what you believe to be appropriation (hint: it’s not) actually erases the experiences of many folks and communities within the transgender spectrum. Thanks.

Riley